“Tell me a story Henry…”
“What kind of story, little girl?” Henry looks down at Audrey, lying sideways on his bed, her head on his stomach looking sideways back up at him. Her naked body, barely visible, the moonlight shining through the blinds creates wide gaps in the darkness wrapped around her body. Like black silk sheets, one clinging to her breasts and another lain across her legs just below her waist.
“A bedtime story!”
“Once upon a time there was a princess locked away in a tower by an evil…”
“Oh fuck no!” Audrey groans as she turns onto her back, exposing her breasts to the moonlight; like a painting framed in natural light, the two soft mounds look as if they belong to a Greek goddess. That is if the statues in museums are at all accurate.
“Ok! Calm down. There once was a man from Nantucket…”
“Henry Hurt! You’re giving me second thoughts about you! And your perfect ass! Now tell me a GOOD bedtime story or I’m fucking going home!” In her feigned anger, Audrey still manages to speak with a voice as sweet as it is soothing.
“Aud’, I really hate it when you fucking cuss. Please, you’re one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever been with, but you need to be a little more ladylike.” Audrey sighs but nods in compliance.
“I’m still head over heels though. So, what kind of story, little Audrey?”
Audrey feels the sting of Henry’s words like the aftershock of a slap to the cheek. It’s not his fault, she thinks. There are no benefits that come with a foul mouth, she agrees. She’s a better person every time he corrects her, she cedes. Her appetite for a fairy tale subsided, she makes up her mind and gives Henry her answer.
“Tell me a ghost story Henry…” He smiles and nods. He reaches his hand out to her. She accepts.
Lying in the dark, their two bodies intersecting, Henry begins:
“This is not a new story, just a new way to tell it. This is a story of a man and the woman he loved. They were married young but deeply in love and they made their home on a wide lake that sat beneath a tall waterfall. The rushing river that flowed down would roar during the day like a beast, a powerful reminder of all who had died leaping from its great height into the clear waters below. At night the wind bellowed from the deep of the trees; the voices of the spirits blowing sorrowful waves across the calm lake. By the fireplace she would crawl into his arms and listen to him tell stories of love and dragons, princesses in towers, and the ghosts in the woods that surrounded the lake. When the fire died they would lie in bed in a close embrace, falling asleep in each others warmth with the spirits of the lake whispering through the leaves of the trees…”
“Tell me about her Nick.” Chloe crawls across Nick’s bed and onto him lying on his back with one arm under his head. Her legs reaching across his, her head falls softly on his chest. She looks up at him with slight sadness in her eyes.
“Tell you about who?” Nick looks down at Chloe’s face, clean of makeup and even more beautiful without. She smells of soap and toothpaste, and he feels embarrassed that he hasn’t brushed his teeth yet. He feels embarrassed by her question, knowing exactly who she’s asking about.
“The pain… in here... Maria.” Chloe runs her fingers across his chest, in slow circles ever widening.
“Maria… She’s a ghost from the past.” Nick closes his eyes. Chloe strokes his hair.
“Tell me about her. I like ghost stories.” Chloe presses her cheek against Nick’s. His eyes open, a few small tears appear.
“We were together for a year, the longest I’ve ever been with a girl. We disagreed over everything, but I was crazy about her. All of my friends think that we only lasted as long as we did, because I kept us going.” Nick pauses. “I know she loved me… it just took me a while to realize it. When I did, it was too late.”
“After a few years of living mostly alone by the lake, the young man began to grow restless. He still loved his young bride, but the bliss had gone away and the love that once excited and blinded him had dulled and lost passion. Gone were the nights by the fire. He had run out of stories to tell and could not find the enthusiasm to create new ones. He longed for adventure and sometimes, with shame, he dreamed of someone new. His beautiful wife was unaware. Her heart was forever determined and the strength of her love unwavering.
One evening, the young man decided he could stay no longer. He took his wife by the hand and confessed his feelings. Her simple nightgown wet with tears. He told her he would leave in the morning, saddle his horse and ride to the next town. With her heart breaking, she did not sleep the whole night. The sun rose and she begged him not to go. The young man continued to pack his clothes and saddle his horse. Nothing she said could break his resolve.
As he rode away she ran after him and called for him to stop. He halted his horse and turned to her. Standing barefoot on the dirt path, her face now dry of tears, she said to him, “I know I can’t stop you now. But I still have hope that you will come back. So I’ll wait here for one week. When the sun rises on the seventh day, I will be gone. One week my love… If you don’t come back before then… you’ll never find me again.” The young man’s heart felt heavy, but he did not understand the gravity of her words. He turned from her and rode away…”
“Maria worked at a small bakery downtown. I went in for a coffee one morning. I didn’t really want anything. I just wanted to talk to her. I saw her there a couple of times while I rode by on my bike in between deliveries. She was new and was working at the register but what she really wanted to do was bake. I thought she was really cute with her short black waves for hair and wide-eyed smile.” Nick’s eyes are open, but through them he sees not the ceiling, but her instead; the smooth dark tan coloring her features, which can only be described as the pearls of Southeast Asia. Her body, fit and well defined, the result of daily conditioning and healthy eating. Chloe watches Nick drift off, his mind and senses remembering what it was like to make love to Maria. The smell of her lavender and almond lotion and the sweet taste of her skin, the lilac filling the air as her hair brushed against his face. The soft muscles, the sloping curves, the firmness perfectly married to the tenderness of her body. And her bright brown eyes, the only light he could see through the darkness that held their bodies together. Nick takes a long deep breath, holding it for what feels like forever before he finally lets it go.
“Like I said before, we disagreed over everything. We fought a lot. Most nights, either I would be driving away from her apartment in my truck, my jeans and t-shirt barely on, or I’d be watching her back out of my driveway in her little black Honda. I can’t remember how many times I stood at the end of that driveway watching her California license plate disappear down the street.” Nick turns his head away from Chloe, still stroking his hair, and looks out the window at the midnight-blue night sky.
“She was afraid to commit. That was my biggest problem. Her ex hurt her pretty bad and she kept me at a distance. Every fight we had… we kept saying it was over.” Nick laughs shaking his head.
“But I loved her. I really did, and I was always able to convince her to give it another try.” Nick pauses. His chest rises and falls dramatically, like it’s hard for him to breath. His eyes wander all around the room.
“I just got so… tired. I felt like every day was a fight to keep her with me, to keep her wanting to be with me. After a while, she gave in, started saying the words I love you. It was the best time of our relationship. She got promoted to the kitchen and I’d walk into her apartment to all kinds of intoxicatingly sweet smells coming out of the oven. We even stopped fighting… for a while.” Nick pauses, his mouth open, searching for words. Chloe has stopped stroking his hair, her hand resting firmly on his chest.
“But I was tired. I fought so hard to keep her. I barely had any strength left to just be with her…”
“The first day in the big busy town, he spent indulging in all that he gave up when he married. He found old friends and met new ones. They laughed and sang into the night, sharing stories and drinking the taverns dry. Not once did he think of the young woman he left behind on the lake just that morning. The next day he spent with several women, dancing, drinking, and diving into dirty sheets on different beds. Still the thought of his lonely bride waiting by the fireplace of their cold empty home had not crossed his inebriated mind. The rest of the week blurred together into a timeless binge of pleasure-seeking in a state of drunken deluge. He had lost track of the hours and only knew two times of day, what came after the sun rose and the night that followed its setting. One morning he woke up, his breath foul and his lungs choked. His limbs, his bones ached from the long days of selfish and limitless revelry. But the most apparent condition was in his heart. He finally felt guilt, regret, and remorse. All he had done in the past few days had left him nothing but empty and missing his beloved. The thrills were temporary, the merriment fleeting, the vices all had sour aftertastes and had weakened his body and mind. He counted the days backwards and realized that it was the sixth day. His love would be gone by the next sunrise. He packed his bags and readied his horse, fast like a man who had done something wrong and had too little time to right it. Without saying goodbye to anyone, he rode out of town in a fury. In a rush and still slightly intoxicated, he didn’t realize he was riding in the wrong direction…”
“It was obvious. I stopped trying. I let her do all the work. She cooked for me all the time. She rubbed my back while I hunched over my drawings. She took the blame for the fights.” His legs become restless. Chloe tries to settle them with hers.
“This went on for months. And the worst thing about it, is that I stood there watching it all crack and crumble. Like some fucked up fairy tale, I can describe, from beginning to end, our relationship dying by degrees. I let it happen!” The sudden shout spreads across the room disturbing the quiet scene. Chloe opens her mouth to hush him, but kisses his cheek instead. She understands his frustration. She often wishes she could still feel enough to scream while she’s lying alone on her bed. She kisses him again. ‘Maybe it can be him,’ she thinks to herself. ‘He’s hurt like me. Maybe we can be hurt together. There’s no mending what’s broken. There’s no flying again. It’s all bullshit! But maybe, we can just be two flightless birds protecting each other and sharing what little hope for the sky we still have. Maybe…’
“Maria… she had gotten into a couple grad schools. I didn’t even know she applied. I wasn’t supposed to know. It was the worst time of our relationship. We were near the end. It was miserable, but I could tell she was keeping something from me, something that was making her happy that she wasn’t telling me about.” Nick clenches his fists and rubs them against his temples.
“One evening, we couldn’t decide on a movie or where to eat, I don’t even remember anymore. We started to fight and I fucking let it all go.” He rubs his fists harder against his head.
“I told her everything I felt: that I was the reason we were together, and that she fucking wore me out, and that I was tired… and tired of her being so fucking happy while I was in the next room and fucking miserable when we were in the same bed.” He pauses, looking straight into a spot on the ceiling.
“I told her I knew she was hiding something from me. I asked her if she was fucking someone else… I tried to force her to admit that she was fucking someone else. I know there’s a difference.” Nick looks down at Chloe and in her eyes are sparkling diamonds of tears. He wants to wipe them off, but knows they would soon replenish. He goes on.
“I didn’t think she would ever stop crying. It wasn’t a fight anymore, it was a fucking assault. I stopped talking and just sat on the bed across from her, waiting for her to stop crying and yell back! Tell me that she was sleeping with some guy who was better than me!” Nick wipes Chloe’s drowning eyes, her red cheeks tremble against his palms.
“She didn’t. She spoke really softly, sweet even, like we were in bed whispering before sleep. There was no one else. She was happy about the grad schools, but didn’t say anything because they were all out of state and she didn’t want to upset me. She was waiting to hear from Portland State and Reed. If she couldn’t stay here with me, then she wasn’t going to grad school.” Chloe has stopped crying but her face is still blushed. Her chest feels heavy as Nick speaks. She remembers a scene like the one he’s describing, of her sitting on the edge of a bed, dying slowly across from a boy too proud to console her and too young to know how.
“That was the moment I realized she loved me; when I knew without a doubt that I had broken her heart. I couldn’t think of anything to say while she packed up everything she had here. I remembered when she brought each item, as she threw it in one of her bags. Do you remember Christmas when you were a girl? You’re house all decorated with candy canes and Christmas lights, angels, holly, reindeer? Do you remember how bright it all was?” Chloe smiles a little.
“Do you remember after Christmas? When the decorations would come down? Every artifact of the Christmas just passed, every bough of holly, and every Christmas light that came down took away some of that brightness, some of that spirit. It’s not that you get sadder as the house gets darker and darker. It’s that you get less and less happy, until everything is back the way it was before the holidays. Then you just feel out of place… even in your own house…”
“The young man rode farther and farther away from the lake, and his home, and his lonely wife. He had forgotten the feeling of hunger. He did not know thirst or fatigue. He pushed his horse harder and faster, chasing after the hazy horizon. He could see her in the distance, a speck but shiny and growing as he pushed forward and towards the gleaming goal. He was so focused, so resolute, he did not recognize the unfamiliarity of the road beneath him, or of the woods on either side. He pushed on.
The glimmering dot gradually grew, brightening and widening. For the first time, he felt worried. He had been riding for hours and could no longer ignore the rumbling in his stomach, the dryness in his throat, and the pain climbing up his legs and onto his back. He had to stop.
As he sat on the ground, catching his breath and resting his sore limbs, he looked up at the sky and the clouds that wandered all around it. His eyes wandered from cloud to cloud until he reached the sun. He looked as long as he could then looked down with tears in his eyes, for as he stared into the sun he saw his own reflection and behind him the glimmering dot. He now knew that he had been going the wrong way. He mourned at the revelation, searching around him for anything recognizable: a mountain range, a tree line, a tailing stream. Nothing. The sun had begun to set and he needed to ride to it, under it, before it was swallowed by the ground. He was too far away now. He knew he would not make it in time and that she would be lost to him forever. He rode on anyway…”
“She finished packing, washed her face, and then sat down next to me on the bed. We both looked down at our feet. I still didn’t know what to say. I think she knew that, because she just kissed me on the cheek, stood up, and walked out that door.” Nick sits up on the bed, Chloe leans back against his chest, and they both stare at the bedroom door. They can both see the ghost of a girl walking through the door and disappearing into the darkness beyond.
“I heard the front door open and close. It was like waking up to an alarm clock and realizing that I was late. I ran out barefoot, I tripped in the living room but I got up fast and jumped out the front door. She was just standing there in the driveway next to her car. It looked like she was waiting for me.” Nick pauses. His story is nearing its end. He has to say goodbye to her, again.
“We looked at each other, standing across from each other on the driveway. Since then, I’ve come up with a hundred different things I could’ve said that night. I just stood there with my mouth a little open and nothing coming out.” Chloe starts to tear up again. Her own memories brought back by Nick’s story. She remembers why she had to guard her heart, why she was afraid of love, and why she still had to be.
“Maria opened her car door, took a step inside, and then stopped. With one foot in her car and one on the driveway she turned her head to look at me. I don’t remember what she sounds like anymore and I can barely remember what she looks like without looking at a picture. But I remember that moment. I can see her face clearly and I can hear her voice as if she were whispering in my ear right now. There were tears coming down from her eyes and her lips were begging. She said, “Stop me Nick.” And I… I…”
“Wait Nick. I want to say something before you go on.” Chloe turns around so Nick can see her face.
“I don’t want any misunderstandings. I like this.” She squeezes his hands.
“I like all of this.” She runs her hand through his hair.
“And I want to keep doing this…” She kisses his lips.
“But I’m not Maria.”
“I know…”
“And I will never be.”
“I’m not trying to…”
“Listen Nick, I’ve served my time in that cage. I’ve lost so much of myself.”
“I won’t put you…”
“I refuse to be left with my finger in the dam! Not again… not ever…”
“I understand.” Nick kisses her forehead and pulls her close to him. Chloe settles down and folds his arms around her like a blanket.
“The sun had set and the young man, heavy with regret, had made his way back through the big city. The same road that brought him there, was now leading him back to the lake. His mind was burdened, thinking mostly of all the time wasted. He counted every thump of a hoof, willing his horse faster with his boot heels. It was now nighttime and only several hours till sun’s return.
He felt no pain. He thirsted no more. The only hunger was in his heart and in his eyes, pining to see once again the young woman he abandoned hastily. Never would he leave her again. As soon as he reached her, he promised to the moon, he would always keep her by his side till death disrupts their earthly destiny.
Now only a couple hours away from her and with a whole night for him to travel, it seemed that time was on his side. But remember that this is not a fairy tale…
He urged his horse faster and faster, the diligent beast selflessly obeying. But it could go no faster. After a long week of neglect and malnourishment, it was content to be on the move again, driving its body through cool breezes and dusty dirt. The bridle digging into its jaw and the boot heels pounding against its bruised flesh were no bother. This was its last day. With muscles spent, lungs swollen with fire, and eyes that no longer saw the endless road ahead, the loyal stallion slowed to a stop, its master unwilling but understanding. His horse would go no farther.
The young man stepped on to the ground as his dying friend knelt, surrendering to the blue glow of the moon. He listened as it breathed in deep, exhale, and then silence. He was now on his own.
There was no time to mourn. His wife waited.
He ran a great distance, counting each step and willing himself to run faster. He was too far on foot, but could not concede. He had to make it.
Slowly the flat grasslands on either side of the path sprouted up into tall trees. Still running, he found himself surrounded by familiar woods. He rode for hours past these woods just days earlier. The straight path would eventually curve around them and towards the lake on the other side. He knew for certain now that he would never make it. The road was too long. He slowed down and continued to walk defeated.
An hour of walking, cursing his mistakes, and praying to the blackened sky above him, the young man had all but yielded when suddenly he saw to right of him a trail that split off of the main path and into the woods. He stopped and stood staring at the gaping hole. It was pitch black and a cold wind was blowing from it, but he saw not too far on the trail, a yellow-orange dot; a hopeful flame in the dark deep.
It didn’t take long to reach it. The trail ended in a small clearing, and across were two more trails that lead further into the woods. The dot was revealed to be a campfire and close to it, soaking in its warmth, sat an old man cloaked in furs, like a hunter. On his face he bore cavernous wrinkles, the scars of a long life spent, and a wise beard. He didn’t startle when the young man appeared before him; a dirty, haggard figure cast out of the dark trail. He looked up as the young man began to speak.
“Old one, there’s a lake on the other side of these woods and I must get there before sunrise. Will either of these trails lead me there?”
“Both ways will bring you to the lake. The one on the left will bring you there sooner than the other, but the one on the right is safer and easier to follow, though it’ll take longer.”
“I don’t have time. I’ll go to the left. Lend me your lantern.”
“But it is too dark and the trial has many turns. Even with a lantern you’re bound to get lost. You can stay here till the morning then I’ll take you through.”
“Can you not hear, old man?! I’ve no time! You will lead me through the trail on the left, now!”
The old man stood up, leaning on a tall staff. He picked up a lantern and lit it.
“You are stubborn… and your haste will be your death. But let us go.”
And so they left the fire and comfort of the clearing. The old man leading the young man, the lantern held high before them.”
“So Nick… did you stop her?” Chloe knows the answer. There’s a reason why she’s lying here in Nick’s bed, in Nick’s arms. There’s a reason she isn’t Maria. She still hopes that the story will end differently. That the girl doesn’t get into the car, because the boy stops her. She doesn’t disappear into the darkness of the cracked paved road; her license plate, white and gleaming, shrinking and shining less and less the farther from the driveway, the closer to the blackened horizon. But she remembers what she asked for. She says goodbye to Maria.
“The ground was rough. The young man tripped several times. The lantern was barely enough to light their way, though the old man traveled with ease, barely leaning on his walking staff. He had not lied. There were many turns and at times the young man felt they had passed the same tree twice, that he tripped on the same rock before, walked into the same low-hanging branch. He cursed at the old man, doubting his knowledge of the trial. The old man was not bothered.
The sky faded, from black to a dark blue. They no longer needed the lantern, they could see far ahead of them. The young man began to panic. Soon the sky would burn hues of red and orange. Time was running out.
He implored the old man to hurry. Urging him on like he did his horse. He didn’t notice that the trail had straightened out and that less then a mile away was the exit out of the woods.
When he did notice, he started to weep. His long odyssey almost over, he took off running, leaving the old man behind. He would thank him after he reclaimed his beloved.
His sore feet pounded against the gravelly ground. Little bits of blue light found cracks through the trees that shaded the narrow trail, lighting his way. He could smell the lake as he got closer; the smell of wood and leaves, fresh water and mist that filled the house every morning. He longed to see the house. He ran faster.
As he got even closer, he heard the roar of the waterfall calling to him. He could see the exit, just yards away. He could see the water.
He pushed the last few feet and was finally out of the woods…”
“He made it?” Audrey asks like a little girl in a movie theatre, asking her mom if the daddy fish will ever find the baby fish.
“Well, can I finish the story?” Henry scolds her with an eyebrow raised. Audrey mouths the word ‘sorry’, rolling her eyes.
“I hope he gets to her in time. He deserves it after all he went through.” Audrey doesn’t believe what she said. She doesn’t want a happy ending. She doesn’t think he deserves it. She wants the girl to disappear into the fiery light of the rising sun. She asked for a ghost story.
“So, can I continue? Uninterrupted?” Henry gives her another look. It’s a warning.
“You may.”
Henry sighs, pulls Audrey closer, holding her tighter, then continues:
“The young man was frozen on his feet. The blue sky streaked with amber rays. He felt one side of his body warming, the other left in the cold. All around him were crickets and birds, concerting as they changed guards. But he could only hear one thing: the old man’s words in the clearing, “your haste will be your death.”
“The water before him was not the lake. It was the thunderous river, rolling violently to what appeared to be the edge of the world. The young man walked towards it and fell to his knees. He was atop the waterfall. The peaceful waters of the lake, the house that once was his home, he could see down below.
He turned and saw the old man standing behind him. He no longer had the walking staff or the lantern.
“I thought you told me that trail led to the lake!” He stood up and confronted the old man.
“Can you not see young man? There is the lake down below.” He pointed over the edge. “There is your house… and there is your wife.”
The young man turned quickly in the direction he was pointing. There she was standing beside the house, facing the road. He saw only her back, but in his mind he thought of her beautiful face and the long brown locks that framed it. But his thoughts were soon interrupted. He remembered the clearing.
“I didn’t mention my house… or my wife…” He heard no reply and turned to look at the old man.
He felt the warmth on his back as he stared into the cold empty where the old man was just standing. He saw no one.
Suddenly, all he could hear was the deafening thunder of the waterfall. He remembered the stories. The indigenous warriors, the sullen outcasts, and the hopeless brokenhearted. All of them stood on the same spot. All of them leaped to their death, their bodies beaten against the rock face and shattered against the hard surface of the lake’s water.
He looked down at his wife, still standing with her back to the waterfall. He waved his arms high above his head, but she never turned. He yelled her name as loud as he could, but he was too far and the river too loud for her to hear.
He stared longingly at her while he thought of his choices. He could turn back, find the clearing, and take the other trail. Maybe she would wait longer. If not, he would look everywhere for her, never giving up until they were reunited. Or he could jump. He might survive, though he feared a life without her.
At the edge he stood, never taking his eyes off of her as she waited by the road. His heart burdened with the dilemma, he wished in vain that he had never left her. Suddenly the sun lifted its head from beneath the ground, the blinding beams shooting all around. The bright light shined, without mercy, onto the young man, straight into his eyes. And as it became harder to see her, his choice became more clear…
The end.”
“Would you have jumped? If it were me standing by the road?” Audrey whispers the question as she lies in Henry’s strong embrace. Her eyes close and she falls asleep before he answers.
“I can’t say I would.” Henry doesn’t realize she can’t hear. “But I would search for you everywhere.”
3rd photo:http://www.flickr.com/photos/stroudlisa/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
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