He steps on the bus, flashes his monthly pass, then sits down close to the driver. He takes up the whole of two seats, sitting by the window with his meticulously sticker-ed messenger bag guarding the seat next to him. Not once did he look at anyone else on the bus as he boarded. He stares out the window at the two-storey houses, the green and gray sidewalks, and the tree-lined commercial-under-residential building streets the bus passes on the way downtown.
It’s a short ride across the Morrison Bridge
He slept a few hours after he left Audrey’s apartment last night. There were no appointments booked, so he didn’t open the tattoo shop. He spent the rare sunny morning in his backyard emptying a couple coffee pots.
As the bus turns sharp off the bridge onto SW 2nd, Nick braces himself and readies to exit. The stop is a couple blocks from the restaurant and he needs to make the most of every step.
He gets off the bus, turns towards the restaurant and begins to think.
“I need to tell you something. But first I need you to know that I’m not leaving Henry.” Audrey placed both hands on Nick’s shoulders. The two were seated on her couch, their knees pointed forward, their torsos faced each other.
“I don’t understand. What did he do?” Nick asked, forcing the words to sound more surprised than he felt. He imagined what she would confess. ‘He hit her! No, he cheated on her…’
“I didn’t instigate this. He just wanted to tell me—for the sake of our partnership. He said he made a mistake and that he wanted us to be honest going forward.” Audrey bit her lower lip. Nick tried to keep himself from laughing, imagining Henry speaking to Audrey as if she were a client. He stiffened his face and nodded for her to continue.
“He cheated on me weeks ago, when we just started dating.”
“I’m not surprised. I mean…” Nick winced at his own words.
“Look Nick, you don’t understand. It was with his ex. She came over crying and begging for him to let her in. And while he was getting her something to drink she snuck up to his bedroom and waited in his bed naked.” Nick scoffed. Audrey frowned at him.
“He found her there on his bed and asked her to leave, but then she started crying and telling him how alone she felt. Dammit! I don’t want to go over the whole thing again. I just know that he made a mistake and that he’s sorry and that all he wants is to be with me! And sleep with me! Fuck Her! I belong to him now!” Audrey pulled away from Nick and slumped over her lap, holding her reddened face in her hands.
“Audrey… I don’t think you should stay with him! He cheated on you already, and you haven’t been together for more than a month!”
“Nick, I’ve already decided. I didn’t ask you over her because I wanted your fucking opinion about MY boyfriend!”
“Jesus, Audrey! I’m not the guy who cheated on you!” Nick raised his arms, palms forward in surrender. Audrey shook her head, her eyes apologetic.
“I know, I’m sorry. I just—you don’t know anything. You don’t see how he is with me, when no one else is around. I really think it’s love, Nick… I just wanted you to know because you’re my best friend.” Audrey paused.
“I also wanted you to know, to make you feel better, that it was Chloe Clarimonde. She’s a bigger bitch than I thought. Henry told me she’s a huge slut! I’m beyond happy that nothing happened between you two!” Audrey smiled big, relaxing her shoulders as if she just dropped a heavy backpack she’d been carrying all day.
“Chloe… really? I’m glad.” Nick stared open-mouthed past Audrey still smiling.
“I’m glad… you’re happy with Henry.” Nick spoke as if he were breathing through an oxygen mask. Afraid she’d notice his wound, he gripped the couch and looked away.
“I still don’t like it, Audrey. And I don’t like how you said that you belong to him.”
“Fine Nick. We belong to each other.” Audrey sighed, noticeably.
“I need to go. I have an early appointment coming in tomorrow.” Nick got up forcefully, noticeably.
“Nick!” Audrey jumped from the couch and followed Nick to the door.
“Nick… I’m sorry, please just support me. I need my best friend…”
“You have me.” Nick opened the door and stepped out to the stairs.
“Nick?”
“Yeah Audrey?” Nick turned to look back at her, one hand on the railing, the other on his hip.
“Am I pretty?” Audrey asked, pretending Henry was standing in Nick’s place.
“Audrey, you’re beautiful… and I love you…” Nick paused deliberately.
“But I don’t think I like you anymore.”
The two blocks are short. Nick stands across the street from Rock Bottom, waiting for the light to change. A few feet from him, a sidewalk musician sings a deeper slower John Mayer to people waiting for the Max, Portland
“It’s not a silly little moment, it’s not the storm before the calm. This is the deep and dying breath of this love that we’ve been working on…”
Nick drops a five in his guitar case and crosses the street. As he walks across he thinks about the options: tell Chloe he knows about her and Henry, tell her he can’t see her anymore because his best friend, the girl he really loves but can’t have, hates her. Or he can pretend he never found out.
“Can’t seem to hold you like I want to, so I can feel you in my arms…”
Inside the restaurant, Chloe is already sitting at a table waiting for Nick. Through her window she can see him walking from across the street. She feels anxious, both excited and nervous. She needs to make a decision as well. Since last night she’s been determined to tell Nick that she read the text, that she knew Henry, intimately, continuing to sleep with him after he started dating Audrey. She would tell him she was sorry for what she did to his best friend, but she didn’t know Audrey—she didn’t know Nick like she does now, feel the way that she does now. She would tell him that she would understand if he couldn’t see her anymore.
“Nobody’s gonna come and save you. We pulled too many false alarms…”
Nick sees Chloe through the window and walks towards it, away from the front door. He waves at her, stopping in front of the window and grinning through his Baloramas. Surrounded by the hum of the light rail and the Portlanders and tourists passing behind him, the warming rays of the Pacific Northwest sun glaring against the glass of the window make it easy for him to believe that nothing exists on the other side of the glass. But he can see and can only see Chloe sitting there, waving back at him.
“We’re going down… and you can see it too…”
From her side, the anxiety has gone. She feels at ease. Surrounded by loud Top 20 music, suits and dress-suits loosening-up on their one hour lunch break, the dim lighting and the dark tint on the windows inside the restaurant make it easy for her to believe that nothing exists on the other side of the glass. But she can see Nick standing there on his side, existing.
“We’re going down… And you know that we’re doomed…”
It’s at this moment that they really see each other for the first time, forgetting everyone around them. They each decide not to tell the other what they recently learned, not to risk whatever they are now to whatever happened before. Together and separately they choose each other. If nothing else, of the past or the future, they both know one thing to be most true. In the wide-open nothingness, all they have is each other.
“My dear, we’re slow dancing in a burning room…”
photo1:http://www.flickr.com/photos/46511058@N00/ / CC BY 2.0
photo2:http://www.flickr.com/photos/dcoetzee/ / CC BY 2.0
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