They decided to meet on neutral ground: Lloyd Center Mall. The hot Pacific sun coaxed most of Flying along the red steel railing of the bike path, suspended high above the Willamette , she couldn’t help but look over the side. She wondered what it would feel like to fall off into the aquatic translucence, its color caught between aquamarine and Aqua Velva.
‘It would be a great fall...,’ she prophesied. ‘And a long one…’
Pondering the profoundness of her diluted desire, she straightened her wheels center on the bike lane and spun the pedals faster. The bridge seemed too long. She needed to reach the other side.
She was a sight, eye-catching and fleeting, to the pedestrians walking around Memorial Coliseum; the bright-colored sundress, yellow cotton waves, and her hair, brown locks gleaming gold at full mast. She was a daydream cycling through mesmerized minds; a wish forgotten before it can be whispered by lips too slow. She left them all in the past, blazing fast down NE Weidler. The hands bound in ceaseless revolution on her thin white-gold wristwatch would not wait. She was late for her date.
Frank sat on a wooden bench at the end of one of the mall’s emptier wings. Spotting Audrey a football field away, he shot up on his brown loafers and wiped croissant crumbs off his unnecessarily pressed jeans. Standing in his tan sports-coat, the pure white pocket square peeking out of his breast pocket perfectly matching his white Oxford
The first thing Audrey noticed when she was close enough was that he was in the best shape of his life. The second thing was that he still smiled with his eyes squinting, as if happiness blurred his vision. When he stepped in to hug her, she stepped back forcing them to meet in an awkward arms-only embrace. Stung by her rejection, Frank sat back down on the bench. He clung far to one side, leaving the rest for her to sit on; a peace offering. She accepted and sat down on the opposite end.
“I forgive you for being late.” Frank looked disappointingly at her wristwatch, displacing the blame. He recognizes the timepiece. He sent it to her when she graduated from college. He thought about the engraving on the inside of the thin band.
“I didn’t know I was late, Frank. Do you have somewhere to go? We can do this another time.”
“Come on Audrey!” Frank checked his voice as best possible. Audrey noticed his eyes still opened wide when he was upset.
“You came! Don’t pretend you don’t want to be here. Because you are!”
“Are you dying?” Audrey crossed her arms and stared impatiently.
“Of course I am, Princess. We’re all on our way out. I’m just closer to the exit nowadays.” Frank spoke softly, forcing the words to sound meaningful. Audrey crossed her arms tighter.
“Don’t play that card Frank! It doesn’t suit your facelift! Can you answer my question?”
“I’m not lying. I’m dying. Not of any disease, but old age. Hey, I may not be dying tomorrow, but fifteen to twenty years is soon enough!”
“You’re incredible Frank! I’m in awe!” Audrey laid her arms flat against the wooden back, shaking her head tiredly.
“I needed you to talk to me. It worked and you’re here, so just talk to me, Princess.” Frank placed his palm on her shoulder, pleadingly. Audrey let it stay.
“I surrender… let’s talk.” Audrey turned her body towards her father and nodded for him to start.
“Audrey, I can’t understand why you refuse to let the past be the past. We had a problem and I took care of it. I’m your father! And I’m getting older every minute. Now’s the best time to grow up, little girl.” Frank squeezed her shoulder as he spoke. He didn’t notice the increasing tension, the pulsing of her jaw.
“We didn’t have a problem. I had two problems: my boyfriend and my father. Tell me Frank, were you worried it would dent your account? Did your lawyer tell you to ‘buy me out’?” Each word made Audrey’s lips shudder. Her face was reddened, but dry.
“What are you—you’re right! It was your problem! And I solved it! You were ill and I took care of you! Dammit Audrey!” Frank looked to the ground. His hands wiped sweat off his face.
“You were too young, you were in college. I didn’t want anything to stand in your way, Princess! I love you, little girl! That’s why I paid that little shit to stay away and that’s why I paid for your preservation.”
“I was pregnant, dad! I wasn’t fucking sick!” Audrey no longer cared where she was. She no longer cared about her composure. The anger, for years trapped deep in her belly, was on its way out.
“He was a little shit, but you defended him! I was young, but I wasn’t… I had something inside me—something I swear I felt! It was mine dad! Not yours! Not his!” She held her hands in the air, closed tightly. Her voice echoed dull throughout the cavernous wing.
“Look, I made those choices as a father. I acted with you in mind. He wasn’t even going to stay with you! I didn’t want you to feel like a whore! A whore, abandoned to raise a bastard on her own!”
“I didn’t feel… a bastard? No dad, you don’t understand. It was you—and the envelope of money you left on my bed. So I could go to the clinic alone. You abandoned me. You made me feel like a whore…”
Audrey stood up and straightened her sundress. She didn’t look at Frank. She didn’t see him staring at her with his hand over his open mouth. He couldn’t close it, pried open by guilt and trying to respond. He thought again of the sentence he had engraved on the inside of her watch. She stepped to walk away and he finally spoke.
“I’m sorry, Audrey.” He stood up and grabbed her hand in both of his. “I’m sorry…”
Audrey turned back to him and pulled her hand free. She looked down at her watch then up at Frank. Her hands grasped one of his, gently.
“I stopped looking at the calendar. The days wouldn’t go any faster. I thought I would be numb after the abortion. I couldn’t imagine feeling—after that little piece of me died. But I still felt… Every minute, every goddamn hour! Three months, dad! Why didn’t you call?” She gripped his hand hard, pulling at it, demanding an answer.
“I waited for you… to come hold me. I didn’t even expect you to apologize. I was so young. I didn’t have to be alone!” She let go of his hand and stepped back from him, standing with his shoulders dropped and head down.
“Princess—“
“No, dad. I’m sorry… but I stopped waiting by the end of that long Fall.” She turned from him and walked away.
Frank looked up in time to see her walk out the closest exit. He knew he could not follow her. She had been merciful. She had left him there alone, but in his hand she left a piece of her. He looked down at the thin white-gold wristwatch cradled in his palm. He saw the words in script engraved along the inside of the shining band. He wished he could scratch them off. He wished they were never written. The three words screamed inside his head:‘I forgive you.’
photo1:http://www.flickr.com/photos/donbrr/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
photo2:http://www.flickr.com/photos/beaster725/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
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